Book update

Well I have not been blogging much but have been pounding the keys in a different way.  I am now 11 chapters and 55,000 words into my new book "Finding Friday".  It has been a very remarkable journey for me in the writing of this story based on the truth about getting Isaiah back from Liberia and of the struggles he has had since then.  One of the wonderful things that has come out of this is such a greater understanding of these kids' feelings and emotions in what they have endured and also the expectations that turned into disappointments in a lot of instances.

It has also made me see just how far he has come since I first picked him up in Brussels airport some two and a half years ago.  There I found a frightened, angry, insular kid, who wanted to be out of Liberia, but not sure exactly where he wanted to be in America.  He did not want to return to his previous adoptive home, but he certainly wasn't ready to commit to a new family either.  He wanted to learn, go to school, but had no idea of the work ethic that would require, and tried every trick he could to remain in control of everything in his little life.

He battled his new brothers, both physically and mentally, he isolated himself away from his sister, and tried desperately to hide himself in his own corner amidst a large family of twelve people living in a house.  And, remarkably, he accomplished that for quite some time, but eventually the human spirit needs comfort and affirmation, and gradually, painfully, he emerged slowly to begin to grow and understand there was a different journey for him to travel on other than one of control and isolation.

I would not say his journey is complete, but it gave me much joy at Thanksgiving to see him surprised to find genuine love for his new little nephew, Sammy.  We had the absolute pleasure of having CeCe and her little family, Sam, her husband, and Sammy their beautiful little boy home for the holiday.  Unfortunately on the way they wrecked their car in terrible weather, but God is good, because instead of only have a couple of days, that turned into five days in which we could all catch up and have family time.  Now, we are really excited to know CeCe and Sam are moving back to Georgia before Christmas.  Sam is transferring in his job, and they are working with my other daughter Louise to buy a home here, just 20 minutes or so north.  This is such a great move for everyone, especially Isaiah.  He can hardly wait.  It is wonderful to see, after all this time of loneliness and mistrust, he has found love in his heart for a tiny baby, who looks a lot like his uncle.

I have set myself a deadline with the book and am managing to write somewhere between 3-5000 words or nearly a chapter a day.  This story, in much less detail, is being published by a New York journalist in a major magazine in January, so I am trying to finish by then.  All I can say, is that before I put this whole thing into words it was a tragic, sad, unfortunate story.  But when it is in print, it is shocking and terrible.  The writing has also brought back memories, which are good and bad for both children, but it has exposed stark truth that needs to be told in the hope that it will not happen to another child.  It has also brought both Isaiah and CeCe closer, and more knit into the family.  They both have trusted me with deep secrets, with the desire to dig them out of the dark and into the healing light.  I can say I am proud, and honored that God trusted me with these two incredibly strong kids.  I would not have thought I could say that before writing "Finding Friday".

Life

Had the most amazing get away with some wonderful friends for a little more than twenty four hours.  We went to a little town nestled in the mountains of North Carolina, called Boone.  Now I have heard about this place from my eldest son Shaun, who goes here to camp whenever it snows, but I had never visited.  I probably would have never experienced this amazing little town other than our friends happen to have a house there, high up on the mountain ridge overlooking the valley where the town is situated.

Sometimes, we just need r & r as the military call it, and we needed that.  My wonderful mother-in-law is slipping away, surely, but very gradually.  She is ninety eight and five months old, and has been an amazing influence in my children's and grandchildren's lives.  It is very hard to see someone you love slip away.  This lady has the most intelligent mind I know, skipped two grades in school, and was doing the New York Times crossword up until a few short months ago, when she slipped to the floor from some unknown issue that caused her to become totally blind and almost unable to get out of her chair by herself anymore.  She went to a nursing home three years and some months ago after having three heart episodes in ten days.  We had signed a DNR and believed her time had come.  Then, just like this amazing lady does, she rallied, but we knew we could not look after her medically any more and she moved into a nursing home.We have been lucky, she has come home for every birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas, but now, that is no longer possible.  She can barely feed herself and tonight was signed into hospice.  Our prayer is that our Lord takes her home in the most peaceful circumstance.

Our peaceful circumstance happened on the top of a mountain, overlooking a town called Boone, with wonderful believing friends who we could share our feelings.  It was almost orchestrated when the snow fell outside our picture window in our bedroom looking out over the valley below, with lights twinkling in the small town tucked into the valley, and the end of October long before we are supposed to be sprinkled upon by the white stuff.

God is good.

Running The Race

Running the race that is set before us is very different for each and everyone of us.  Success often gets confused with fame.  You can be famous, just think about it, and yet not be successful. I would prefer on every scenario to be successful.  Success is when you reach your goal, that hopefully you have set, and written down.  It comes in many forms, most of which do not lead to fame or fortune, but nonetheless, achieved and successful.

In another life, somewhere back in time, I was asked to be the motivational speaker for a cosmetic company, based on the fact that when we were in trouble with a business once, I became an Avon representative.  Of course, everyone laughed, jeered, made jokes about it, but within about six weeks, I was the #3 top seller in my district.  I moved quickly, within 6 months exactly, from representative, walking the streets in those days, to stand-in manager, then manager, with my own district, car and expense account.  That was success, not fame.  This is what I spoke about in my motivational speaker days.  In fact, I still tell people to not concentrate on the famous thing, but the success in what you are trying to achieve.

The race I run now is so different from back then.  In fact, I run several different races in one day.  But, the prize I run for is singular.  The quest in my mind is clear, although I do admit it has been clouded from time to time, mostly by pride, or rejection.  How do I get the message about the "lost" children out there?  How do I make a difference in how the church and the world perceive and understand the need, for not only intervention in this increasingly alarming number of children coming into care, or being orphaned, but rising to the need that exists for foster and adoptive parents to step up to the plate.  Once upon a lifetime ago, the church took care of this.  There were no agencies, at least here in our homeland, but, over time, we have become self involved, the task becoming so great it is better to either ignore or discard.

But, the fact remains, there are children, all around the world, who are orphaned, or taken into care, because of drugs and alcohol mostly, and in some third world countries where there is fighting and unrest, without parents, or, parents who have no income and are forced to leave their children in orphanages that have not enough staff, and not enough care and food.

This is my calling, and my mission to try, even in the smallest way, to bring awareness to the community at large about this growing need.

Answered prayer

God does answer prayer, even when we least expect it.  Life is a challenge and in that challenge, we sometimes forget that God is always there, just over our shoulder, looking down, watching for the exact moment when the Holy Spirit can fall and convict us.  That very thing happened yesterday when, it seemed, the whole sermon, in fact a word given to the pastor at 3 a.m. that morning, revolved around a couple of my kids.  In those moments, the hair rises on the back of your neck, a funny feeling hits you, and your mind is devoid of any other thoughts than the ones that the Holy Spirit is putting there.

We have been praying so hard that we had almost given up on our African rescue to be saved, or at least brought to a place where he understood there really was a God, not just a figment of your imagination, or a person heard of through many sermons and kind words from others.  Without God, he, as we are, is nothing.  Oh there can be lots of things that are human and even worthy, such as wealth and achievements, but there is nothing without the leading and following of God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.  All things fade away in value, when they are weighed against the will of God.

And after all the prayers and the worries of whether our child would ever let the guards down from his heart, it happened.  All in one day.  He walked forward, on his own, accepted the Lord, and prayed, sincerely prayed.  Not only for himself, but for his sisters, one who is free to talk to him, and one is kept away, banned, because he is "not a good influence".  I am sorely afraid, that is not the truth.  He is now redeemed, forgiven, blessed and his name is in the book of life.  And then, in the very same day, with wholehearted thanks to our friends Jocelyn and Garland, baptized in our pool just hours after his commitment.  Rog was in the pool with Gar, but there was just a little "dust" in the air.

This is not the first time I have really trusted God for salvation of one of my near and dear loved ones in my family, and I know it will not be the last.  Always, trust in God, He is the answer even if we are not looking for one.

Improv

Aussies, as in me, are very prone to improv.  That is, guests arrive at a minutes notice and you feed them, without question.You, as an Aussie, are required to have enough food on hand to feed whoever comes through your door.  Some people in my past church lives have been fooled into thinking this means I have a helps, or hospitality ministry.  Bah humbug!  I am just an Aussie who is supposed to be cordial.

Tonight that spontaneous visitor stuff just happened.  We were minding two of our littlest grandchildren, when friends suddenly phoned to say they were on their way to get goats milk and eggs, of which we have an abundance, and then our eldest son arrived with his kids and the fun began.  We forget that unplanned events can be some of the best times.  The company is what counts, and the food is secondary.

The children just had a riotous time, the noise level, must have busted some sound wave, good food was eaten, great conversation was had and none of it was planned.  I am sure that once upon a year many years ago, it was the same.  A neighbor called by unexpectedly and a memory was made.  I am so glad I do not so plan my days that I cannot still be caught up in the moment and just go with what happens next.

I go to my bed with unexpected grandchildren sleeping alongside my own, happy to be at "Glammy's" and waking up to some more good fun down at the farm.  Treasure these times, they are few in life.  I will always treasure them.

Miracles

In the last two years, I have walked such a fine line that has almost killed me, put me on the floor, wondered what the heck I took on.  But, I always knew that God put me here, in this very place, in this very circumstance to cope, grow, learn and parent in a way I never anticipated.  I have done a lot of parenting/foster-parenting classes over the last somewhat 14 years, but I don't think anyone anticipates the training needed for parenting a child from an overseas adoption that is not a baby, let alone a busted adoption.  Oh, this sort comes with all sorts of questions that are unanswered.

I have battled systems, regulations, state councils, Governers' offices, educational services, and a whole lot more, that could never answer my questions, or give solutions, to the problems we encountered in rescuing a dumped, green carded, American adoptee from another country.

Today, I have experience more than one miracle that can maybe give justice to this situation. Unfortunately, I cannot give the names of either, but, I can tell you first hand, I have hope, belief, and cause to do so, that God will rectify what has been done to innocent children that do not deserve for the abuse to continue.

It's Time

About a year ago, a very reputable journalist approached me through this blog for the real account of the journey of Isaiah and his sister CeCe.  I was very skeptical at first, but realized she was a genuine person. Over the last year we have become advocates for these children, although, I think, from different sides of the perspective.  While I am thinking from a very committed Christian point of view, she is coming from a doubting real Christianity view.  And, guess what, I don't blame her.  There are so many wrong points of view from so called "Christians" that, quite frankly, make you wonder what doctrine they are listening to.

But, we have met in the middle, and our interests, combined, regardless of what we believe, is in the future and past of these children.  These children have been used, abused, manipulated and discarded for pure human selfish and survival reasons.  They have been thrown aside without regard for their traumas, their sufferings, their somewhat hard to cope with survival instincts, that can separate and divide a formed family.  They end up in a pile or heap at the bottom, all because most of the adoptive parents are hoping for someone they can "save" "heal", or just make "them" feel like a hero.  Some of these kids are so damaged they cannot give anything back, or escape the "survival" disorder or phase, but some, a few, can get past that, with the right parenting, the right guidance, and that is without the wishy washy phase of giving in because the kid is "damaged" or "underprivileged".

Parenting these kids is tough, somewhat depilating, because you don't want to be hard, fixed, and demanding of what you need in them to survive in the family system.  But, God willing, you can, and do.
Some of this story is about to be released in a national magazine.  It has been accepted, to tell the whole story, in a magazine of which I do not know the name yet, but applaud their insight into a situation that needs rectifying, at the very least.

I might add, Isaiah and CeCe's sister is still in this situation, needing to be rectified.  If you believe in prayer, please pray.  There is a mandate in this country of no child left behind.  I can testify and provide proof, that both Isaiah and CeCe were left behind, so far in fact, that it was too much for  CeCe, and the utmost test and trial for Isaiah to make it in education.  It is tough when no-one sought or even cared to realize that education counts.

God's timing

As many of you know that follow this blog, we rescued a child from Liberia a couple of years ago.  In my heart I forgive those involved and somewhat deceived into thinking that this "child" had committed such heinous crimes that he need to be dumped, without identity or money, other than what he had earned as a laborer,  at the ripe old age of thirteen.  There is a dark, unbelievable story behind all of this, which was the reasoning for him to "be rid of" and never seen again.  I really don't think they understood the ramifications of their actions.  How could they know he would be starving, have malaria and see his young five year old cousin die next to him on a makeshift pallet, have African "chiggers" dug out of his feet, without pain medication, by sharpened bamboo sticks, see "rebels" kill others around him, have a gun held to his head with the threat of death, climb a coconut tree, twenty feet in the air, when he was so starving that it was worth the effort, and drink from a stream that not only bathed them, but washed their clothes as well.

The sadness in this is I do know that they knew.  They went to this terrible place, where there is no World Vision or other large ministries to help, and they saw and experienced an unbelievably primitive place called Monrovia, Liberia.  That palls into insignificance when you go to Rivercess, in the Interior of Liberia, where he was ultimately sent to spend the rest of his life.  He wasn't even in the town, he was two hours walk from there in the jungle, forest, whatever we want to name it, without recourse of any kind.  He was left to survive on his own at the ripe old age of 13.  He was thrust into his "great aunt's" family which already had too many children she couldn't handle.  Oh, because of his "heinous deeds" he was supposed to be sent to a female free environment, but then how did he witness his five year old female cousin die beside him with malaria, while he was inflicted himself, on the pallet beside him.There is so much more that has been revealed to me, gradually, over the last two years, as Isaiah has begun to find trust in this tough, yet understanding Mom.

About a year ago, I received an inquiry from a person I did not know, asking whether the child I had blogged about, without name, was indeed Isaiah.  After researching, I found this person to be legitimate and to have a genuine interest in the past abuse of this child.  We formed a relationship and over the last year have communicated, interviewed, and become compatriots in finding why these children from other countries end up like this.  I am wonderfully surprised to receive confirmation from her that this is going to be exposed in a reputable magazine.  I pray, that this is a good report.  I have always known that God in his infinite timing would expose the wrongs done to these children, and I am not betrayed.  God is God.  His timing is His timing and I pray justice as the Lord sees it, is done.

Amazing Love

Yesterday I went back into the studio to record the re-write on one of my favorite songs I've ever written. I knew it needed a re-write, but just couldn't find the place or the words to start with.  I think why I like it is because the title The Love Of Jesus is needed in everyone's life.  I am blessed to have found it, but what caused the write to happen now, was I realized so many people don't, especially a lot of "lost" kids that bounce around the foster care system.  I originally wrote it for someone who was going through a very hard time and did not understand His love or how you even found it.

I forgot for a minute that there are so many people, who do not understand either.  Our last child to be added to the family, was a young teen who was from a broken adoption.   Not only was it broken, but he was literally dumped back on the streets of Monrovia, Liberia.  I got past that wrong decision by the parents writing it off to youth and lack of foster/adoptive parent training.  But I can't get past the damage done to this child's body, mind and soul.

He knows about Jesus, he lives in a house where Jesus is invited in every minute of our day.  He can sit in church and pretend to listen and sometimes does and can tell you exactly what the sermon was about.  But, none of those words ever get past his mind, they never penetrate his soul, or his heart because it is hard, closed and fiercely protected.   He has come a long way since the angry, and I now know, frightened kid I picked up in Brussells a little over two years ago.  He's not openly angry, and I do catch a smile more often these days, but he keeps to himself, guarding his emotions, with a tangible wall built very firmly around him.  I have broken through a few times, and he has now just about told me every horrid, shocking detail of his life since he left his father's care at the age of about five.  So, there is a thin veil of trust, but so fragile, that it can only stay in place for short bursts of time.  When it is broken, we start again, then start again and start again.  One day, it will be strong enough to stand, as he will, in a new confidence that there is someone who loves him unconditionally, his Savior Jesus.

And that was the inspiration for the re-write which left very few words intact other than the hook, The Love Of Jesus.  This is the link, share it, especially with someone who doesn't know His amazing love.


http://www.theadoptionthing.org/LoveofJesus.mp3

The Love Of Jesus

Going back a couple of years, I wrote a song called The Love Of Jesus.  It was written because I had gone "home" to Australia, and after a very long night with one of my loved ones there, who is not saved, I was inspired to write this song.
Most people think because Australia has Hillsong that they must all be christian.  Unfortunately that is not so.  About 2% are. I was raised in a denominational church, but by the time I was about eleven, I was the only one left, walking to church.  At about fifteen, I was invited to a rather radical church at the time and remember receiving Christ into my heart.  It was many years later that I learned that was not the only step in finding a relationship with my Lord.   I have always been considered to be the "crazy Christian" in my family and do not mind a bit.

But, when I was ministering to a young member of my immediate family, in the wee hours of the morning, all she could see was Auntie Kate, the crazy christian.  I poured my heart out into this song, not thinking of anything but my feelings for the situation at the time.  How crushed I was to find when I presented it for critique, it got more put downs that put ups.  Because I am a christian co-ordinator for the NSAI, I got that, but I also realized that I was too close to this song.  Part, or most of it had been poured out of my heart.  So, from a critique point of view, I knew the melody was fine, very fine, but the words?  Yup, I had to concede that the lyrics were those that I understood, but perhaps were a little mixed up for others to get the message.  I had mixed conversation with what I call "Christianise".  They are words and expressions that we as christians understand, but the unsaved don't.

It hung around in the back of my mind, until I was putting a set together the other day for a concert, and I realized just where I needed to come from to make the lyric of this song be as great as the melody.  It was birthed out of my passion for the "lost" kids in this world and I realized that my special family member that I had written this for, was no different.  She was as "lost" as the kids that go through fostering and adoption, abuse, neglect and lack of education in such matters, were.

I re-wrote that song in as many minutes and I wrote it the first time, but understanding so much more because of my experience and passion for the "lost" kids.  I re-record tomorrow.  I will post it tomorrow.  Please listen, maybe, just maybe, your heart will be changed forever about the "lost" children, who are victims in our society of parental alcohol and drug abuse which leads to extreme neglect.  Perhaps you will realize that the church once looked after these children and their was no Department Of Children and Family  Services.  If you don't believe me, find a Keith Green CD and listen to what he was saying, oh so many years ago, and we never listened.

Running The Race

We can start the race we run as a tortoise or a hare.  I think I am the former, although I wish to be the latter. Wow, that is deep.  I would like to get everywhere I want to be yesterday, but life does not permit that if we want to do what we do well, or even excellently.  When I rush things, without thinking through all of the components, I end up feeling overwhelmed and also feel I underachieved.  I am spontaneous by nature, but a planner by choice.  With nine children at home, impulsive decisions are almost always halted by the necessity to organize ten others people to get ready now, do it now, move it now.  Rarely does that happen.  Being spontaneous takes planning in our house and I think it combines the best of both worlds.

Rog is much more laid back than I am and I think that is what makes us work, with all of the kids, animals and busy careers and schedules.  We push each other in different ways, that ends up in a rather neat balance in the middle.  To actually run the race we are set before us, it takes planning, pace, ambition and obedience.  Each step is ordered, and when we stray from the path, the race just became longer.  I do this not willingly, but sometimes foolishly thinking I know the way instead of keeping my eyes on the prize set before me.  Invariably the prize becomes something I never dreamed of, a treat in the treasure box that is kept for me to find in obedience as I walk the maze that God has set before me.

For me, sometimes the path I run is strewn with cut glass, making me pick my way like a tortoise, being careful not to get stuff caught in my feet, sharp stones that cut and make you sit a while to find that the path is not the right one, just one that looked really good.  On the other hand, when I am hand in hand with my Maker, I run like the wind, and the path is smooth, easy, and fulfilling.

The thing I have learned in this race set before me, is to never run alone.

Changing times

There are times in our lives when things seem to go, ah, is this right?  Why am I doing this?  This has become hard.  I call it when it's time for the seasons to change.  That has been happening to me lately, or at least over the last few months.  Life is a circle, there is nothing new under the sun, but it all appears in a different way, an illusion that this is new, never been seen before.  It is just time to understand that the season has changed, and God is doing something new in your life.

Sometimes, we are reluctant, even downright stubborn about changing what we are currently doing, but if the season has changed and we don't change with it, we are about to be extremely uncomfortable, if not agitated.   We like, or at least I like comfort, ease with which I do things, comfort in knowing it is never changing, nothing unexpected hitting me in the face.  I know the order, the familiarity of the day to day, even if in the midst of that I am searching, seeking, asking for change.  Of course those are not my words, I am asking for that in totally different words.

And while I am in my completely comfortable zone, knowing all that is going on around me, nothing will change, unless I am willing to inaugurate that.  I am a creature of change, I don't like doing the same thing day after day, but when I am challenged to do something beyond my comfort zone, I am in the same questioning zone as everyone else.  That comes of a lack of confidence in the person we are created to be, to rise up and overcome regardless of our failings.

I know that I will press on, run the race, and hopefully win the prize if I am deemed worthy, but how many of us give up before we even try.  We give in to those voices that tell us "we can't"  "you won't" or you're too old, too young, not experienced enough.  I have learned a great lesson that your are never too old, you are never too young,  you never have enough experience, or knowledge, or ability for that matter, but when you are led, from within your heart to rise up and do whatever it is you know is right, then none of that matters in the least.  It is whether you will leave your comfort zone and leap out into the unknown and do marvelous things.  And even if you don't, it is better to try and fail than to never try at all.

The Journey

We all travel on a journey through our life.  Sometimes, it becomes difficult, almost impossible to navigate, and other times it is  easy, it just all seems to fall together in a plan that seems to fall from the heavens.  I have found in my life that the journey is just a means to the end.  And the end never comes.  It maybe the end of this question, or stumbling block, but it begins again with another.  It becomes a circle and for the want of sounding trite, it is the circle of life.  For God is always working our life, bringing what is needed to the foreground and then letting us resolve and settle for a while before the next obstacle arises.

We think, or more specifically, I think, that many of these things are distractions, trying to keep us from the goal we are specifically sent to achieve.  We can get caught up in many things that are of no consequence in our lives, disagreements, every day issues that soak up our time and energy from the things that we are called to.  Sometimes, we mistake that these callings are more important than our family, our spouse, our kids and our church, even our Lord.  We cannot see the forest for the trees and believe we are sacrificing for our calling.

How do I know this?  Because I foolishly once believed my calling was above all else, when indeed, my calling was first to my Lord and then to my family, scripturally as well as morally.  We can all aspire to become many things, but being a wife, a mother, a daughter, a follower of Christ is surely the most important.  Fame is said to be success.  Let me assure you success is not fame or fortune, it is achieving the goal set before you, and running the race to the finish.

My Child

At the moment in my life I find it all very interesting.  My younger kids, 9 of them at home, are all going along without too many hicups considering the varying and diverse disorders, quirks, backgrounds etc that we deal with.  At the moment the focus seems to be on the older children, or at least a couple of them.  May I remind those with young children, that no, you don't get rid of them at 18 when they go to "college" and they are still around, if you are VERY lucky, when they either graduate, find their niche in life without college, get married and begin families of their own.

I am one of the VERY LUCKY ones who has all of my children, older and younger, and grandchildren, born, and in the womb, a part of my daily life.  I get to be part of the morning sickness, the funny stories about the unusually talented grandchildren, the shoulder to lean on when things are tough, like the new house is not going to happen, the old house is upside down in the mortgage and what do we do with that, the struggles of the working mom with young children and daycare and the tears spent about all of that.

I was fortunate to birth four children, with difficulty, but even more fortunate to be able to adopt and nurture so many other children that will always be in my heart.  Children never leave, even if they are with you a little while, and the longer you have them the longer they stay.  Some of you will remember CeCe, my oldest Liberian child, who, because of circumstance, could not follow my advice, but had to follow her African survival instincts and know she would MAKE life happen for her.  I am so glad, that despite my wanting her to follow the ways I set down, and the mistakes she has made, we are still Mum and daughter.  She still wants me in her life, to talk, to advise, to just be Mum.  She is now a Mum, a very young one, with no-one else to turn to.  I am thankful that God softened my heart, to see around the foolishness bound up in the heart of a child, to still accept and love her regardless of the disagreements we have had.

I have never just accepted all of my children's choices but questioned, prayed and hoped all would be fine.  Most of it has worked just fine, despite my inner fears, but some of it hasn't and I have had to be the one to swallow any judgement I may have had, and be Mum, just Mum.  For if you aren't, they will turn away from everything you have taught them through all of the years, the many years, that you have nurtured, loved, encouraged, and have just been there to listen.  I believe the Lord said "Train a child in the way that it should go" but that is not a few years, it is a lifetime.   Because, even now, my child is still my child, even if she is nearly 40 years old.  She is still my child.

Life With 14 Kids and a cold

Gosh, I can just about count on something happening when Rog goes out of town (and vice versa).  I have been trying not to have a cold for maybe a week or so and Rog catches a plane and I catch a cold.  The kids, all nine of them, somehow know you are without back up.  It's like they all get together and say, well, there's only one of them, HA!  Now Rog he just keeps coding and just about when I am due home, sends them all into clean up mode.  Me, I'm in clean up mode all the time.  It's just easier.  If you have a large family, you live in chaos, or are extremely organized.  I am the latter.  I am the only one in my family like this, so on a constant daily basis, I corral 10 other people into being tidy and organized.  Rog, of course, just smiles and keeps on coding (he's a low level  computer security guru for those of you who don't know).  His smile is so contagious that I just give up on him and go after the other nine.

Anyway, today is when deep cleaning housekeeper comes, for which I am eternally grateful.  Literally, and do mean literally, five minutes after she is gone I am picking up after said nine children.  Normally this is not a biggie, but my nose is running, and I am grumpy.  I have a Metropolitan Atlanta Theatre Awards rehearsal at 6.30.  I have to cook dinner for ten before I go.  I have to look like I don't have a cold and be professional.  I am a presenter as well as a nominee.  Have to look cool.  You know how that goes.  I DO NOT FEEL COOL.  In fact, I am not sure I am not running a fever.  Well, it's called the "Show" must go on and it did.  The kids eventually all pitched in as they usually do, and have all settled down.  Some, the younger ones are in bed and the older ones are chillin' getting ready to same.

I got some news on radio play on my single "God Of Glory" (which is on the latest added by the way), and news from my producer Doug Sizemore that my first two songs from my new cd "The Adoption Thing" will be uploaded to me as soon as they land and get  settled.  He is Reba McIntere's Musical Director and left on tour today.  Her guitarist, Jim, is mixing.  I am stoked because they are going to do a live recording of the last song before sound check one day this week.  If you ever get to go see them, they are not only talented, but really great guys and gals.

So tomorrow is another day, and it is an early start to milk the goats, get the lunches etc before school.  I am looking forward to picking up Rog in the evening and life with 14 will return to normal.

New Adventures

In the last couple of weeks our eldest set of twins, who are now sixteen, have taken a real interest in camping.  So, because we are fortunate to live on a suburban farm, with fishing ponds, goats, chickens and horses, they don't have to go far to experience a night in a tent.  So, we got the tent etc and they have set up outside and had a great time.  That of course, led to us thinking about how they could have a bigger adventure, and hence the scouts came up.

Both the boys have learning disabilities so in our struggles through the years to pinpoint and conquer their unique way of learning, somehow scouts and cubs didn't arise.  Of course we tried baseball, which was great until they got to fast pitch.  Then because of their visual perception and slightly shaky hands, they decided that was definitely not for them.  Swimming was sport of choice, and lately a little soccer and basketball, but even though both Rog and I were cubs and brownies, the subject didn't arise.  Until now.

Rog suddenly came up with the idea, inquired and low and behold there is a scout troop just a mile or so from our house.  So we now have three out of our four boys in the boy scouts.  I would have thought sixteen was too old to start, but I guess just as in every other part of life, you are never too old.  Isaiah, our liberian child, declined to go, but after this weekend he might just change his mind.  It seems the troop is off to Ellijay, in North Georgia, for camping and kayaking from Friday to Sunday.  I have warned them about bears and not straying too far.  There is a family joke about their sense of direction.  But all jokes aside, I know this will be a great adventure for them.

The other really funny thing is that Rog has become the assistant Cub Scout Master.  He still isn't sure how he landed that one, but he is off camping with Zach in a couple of weeks as well.  What a great organization that has served our children for so many years.  Sometimes, the simplest things in life can give the greatest pleasure.

Ukraine Orphans

On Saturday night I had the privilege of being part of a fundraiser for a young lady called Candice who is traveling to the Ukraine next Friday to minister to the children in six orphanages around the area.  Watching slide after slide of these children who all have big smiles and look happy on the outside, I was reminded once again of the similar faces with big smiles and sad eyes of the lost children who live just around the corner from all of us.  The numbers keep growing in this age where poverty is not the reason for children coming into foster care any more.

When asked why the children in the Ukraine were in foster care, most not eligible for adoption, the answer was the same as in the United States.  Drugs and alcohol, mostly.  These children though, unlike here on our home shores, are still tied to their parents living in limbo, unable to move on, as their parents can keep signing a piece of paper that keeps their parental rights intact.  In these situations where is the hope?  What is becoming of this generation of children who are growing up in the foster care system with not enough caring people to look after them?

The same situation is here in our country.  If you ever have the chance to google children waiting for adoption in America, your eyes will be surely opened.  Unfortunately, the statistics of children who age out of the foster care system without having found their forever home through adoption, are that some 90% will end up on the street or in some form of criminal activity.  The saddest part of all of this is that most people aren't even aware these "lost" children exist.

I am sitting her at the family condo in Panama City waiting for everyone to wake up. I came for an unexpected spontaneous holiday with my second eldest daughter who is expecting our eighth grandchild in a few weeks. Just an inkling that she needed some Mummy time. She had taken my youngest set of twins away to entertain her four year old and I just felt that might be more than she expected.

We have had an amazing few days swimming, go carting, dining and best of all an amazing boat ride. I have always looked at those boat rides as just going up and down the front beach, but seeing we just had a couple of kids we thought it might make for a change from sitting on the beach. Well I certainly underestimated the boat ride. It was the most fabulous and amazing time I had ever had. Our first stop was to see the dolphins who were swimming in crystal clear water around the 75 ft. boat. Then they started to do tricks for fish. It was truly something to be seen. We then started off and they began to swim in the wake of the boat. We ended up with something like 15 or 20 dolphins swimming along with the boat flipping in the air and doing tricks. I have never seen anything like it. Even the captain said he had never seen them like that before. And these were wild dolphins! Not like the ones at sea world.

We then went up the beautiful gulf coast, fired the cannon several times which was interesting for the kids, had a water gun fight with a pirate ship (not a real one) and then the kids had their own water gun fight in the back of the boat. Flying above us were these flyers in kite like little flying machines which were propelled by something that looked like a bike. Absolutely amazing. They were flying around the boat and doing aerodynamics. We then set off back to the dock and just before the end pulled up a crab pot and out came a dozen or so crabs that the kids got to pick up. It was a wonderful day.

Came home and got ready to go to dinner and oh oh. Text from Rog who is home with the other kids, to say we had been contacted by a CASA worker in Tennessee (child advocate worker) asking out two children we had adopted. I suspect the God is up to something and the family may be growing. Time will tell. Life is always unexpected but that keeps it interesting.

Well it was a better day today. The bruising is coming out and I have a little more motion without pain. I appreciate all the emails and encouragement from wonderful faithful friends. Imagine my surprise today when I am delivered the most amazing chocolate covered strawberries from my dear friend MaryAnne. We only live a mile as the crow flies but both have very large families and commitments which have us more on email or facebook than face to face. Thank you my friend, you catered for the whole family of which all my little chocaholics are grateful for.

I should have guessed that Isaiah felt he was "under the radar" in the last week or so with all the extra goings on with me being not quite up to par. Yesterday I was in the kitchen around the time his bus was due, and as I looked up at just the right time though the front window, I noticed it went speeding by. I wasn't immediately alarmed because it was just a little early and I thought, oh maybe that was another bus not his. But ten minutes later he walked through the door with no bus pulling up to the driveway. Our home is a bus stop and it picks him up in the morning and is supposed to drop him off in the afternoon. This was the same schedule that the boys had when they went to Public school. Mmmmmm, my brain went, now just what is going on here that I have missed in the confusion of pain and delegation.

He had a very plausible explanation but it did not pass muster. Unfortunately for him, and all my children, I have mother lying radar. He was definitely telling me a story. Rog then remembered that the bus stop he first was at last year, there were a couple of girls who happened to get on at that stop. He was later moved to our home as a stop, but that was the high school bus and he only got it to connect to his other bus which took him to his English As A Second Language class at the appropriate middle school. He is now in High School in ESOL (same class only high school). Isn't God good? We were having problems with him attending the Christian School, and, I really felt I had to let go and let God, so I transferred him back to the public system only to have them put him back in ESOL, which is a class of about 10, and not in the mainstream classes of which there are hundreds or even thousands of children attending.

But, that meant that the problem I was having in the Christian school (him texting and running after inappropriately aged girls) was lessened even more with him being in such a small classroom. Hence, him wanting to get off the bus at the stop where all the girls get off. Ah, the foolishness of the young, thinking that the Good Lord will not put an uneasiness in the hearts of his parents. Alas, today, after speaking with the bus driver, and pointing out my concern that he had maybe missed his bus when he did not get off at home, put an end to the folly of his unthought out plans. He has gone off to church tonight with all the other older ones and I do hope at some time his heart will be softened to the word of the Lord.

My other little people have had what we call a "come to Jesus meeting". Wow, Mum really was telling the truth. We do have to keep our rooms and help for more than just a couple of days? Mum still has a sling and can't do the washing? But, man, it is six days and counting, what's up? Reality is hitting home. But tonight they "got" it. They pitched in and the washing and folding is done, the milk is pasteurized, the dishes put in the dishwasher, the leftovers put away, and they have gone off to church with all in order. I know they feel great about having achieved not only the house, but helped with the animals as well. They are all fed, the chooks put away, and all is peaceful at Cressbrook Creek.

I have started a video series because I have been asked so much about what it is really like at our house. So the first is posted and the link is.......

here

Ok, so I survived the rotator cuff, bone spur, arthritis, torn bicep muscles and torn tendon surgery. I am in a sling and six days and counting. I am not allowed to lift anything but may use my hand and arm up to my elbow. Might I add this is my right shoulder, and I am the most right handed person on the planet. I have come to conclusion today, that just like when you give birth and have the baby blues around the fourth day, I have the rotator cuff blues today.

I am sick of not being able to do much, only delegate, or do it with my almost non existent left hand. I have been to gym working with weights since 1979, long before the get fit obsession was even a twinkle in somebody's eye and I am shocked to find that really your dominant side does all the work. How do I know that? I am living that very fact. I have started to rehabilitate my left arm with weights and exercises because otherwise it will surely fail me in the months ahead.

Now the benefits? My hands just may return to looking somewhat decent after not having any detergent or water constantly flow over them as I cook, clean, wipe, wash and do all the things that a mother does. But, I, I, I, miss it! I am a nurturer by nature, and I have an amazing sense of satisfaction when all is done, and is sparkling clean. The laundry is tended, neat and folded for the day, the kitchen is clean, the dishes put away, the floors are swept, and the house is neat and tidy. I admit freely that I am a typical ADHD person except I am an organized, maybe dare I say, over organized ADHD person and that is how I cope. Everything has a place and there is a place for everything. How come they all don't get that?

But, I do have many things to be thankful for and that is why I am struggling to write or type this blog. My children are just a little spoiled, but they do get that their Mummy is not too good. I refused the nerve block and all the "tough" pain meds as I am allergic to a lot of drugs and sometimes the reactions are worse than the pain. So when I arrived home from surgery, I am quite sure I was white faced as all the pain interceptors had worn off and I was praying, out loud, really hard. I had been prescribed what they call ibuprofen on steroids and I grabbed that sucker as fast as I could when I got home. It took a little while to kick in but then I think I was up for nearly twenty four hours as I reacted to it just like I do to steroids. I solved all the problems of the world, without any pain, in the wee hours of Thursday morning. And then on taking the next pill Thursday morning, I literally chewed my husbands ear off recalling all of the amazing revelations I had throughout the very long night. Might I add they also made me swell up. My fingers looked like they belonged to someone else and my shoes were tight. Needless to say although I was strictly instructed to take these for five days, I copped out Saturday morning a mere two and a bit days in. Advil will work and does work just fine.

I do need thoughts and prayers though as I have puppies due in less than a week and kids (goat kids) due in about three weeks. I have wonderful older children and a husband who thoroughly understands my enthusiasm for just about anything, but farm life and life with 14 kids goes on through everything, including surgery.

Snow, Ice, animals and children

It has been a "hard" week. I have absolutely loved the snow. There was something in having to wake up early to feed the animals, find the eggs, make sure they were all OK in the unusual circumstances we have faced in Georgia this week. Luckily I still had my hiking boots from, oh eons ago, which were weatherproof and warm, and there was something that rose up from some roots somewhere, that really enjoyed this whole experience. I almost felt empowered as Rog and I trooped through the snow which became ice, to make sure all the animals were OK.

I love my goats and chickens and horses. The first day I was really concerned because although we opened the back of our big renovated barn, (we have two) our horses " chose " to not come in so on Monday morning when I went to feed them their manes were covered in icicles and their tails were not much better. I was worried even though they seemed not to be. They have their winter coats on (for all you animal people), but I wanted to take them in and warm them up even though that was or seemed not to be on their minds. I was so relieved that I had found "warm" buckets for water on line and had them in place before this whole wonderful and I do mean wonderful episode.

I am still learning this farm life, but I cannot tell you how much I love it. The horses were very sensible and over the next few days came inside and understood there was nothing, and I do mean nothing, to eat in the fields. Snow, with a covering of ice has covered our whole property and even with my bung shoulder, on which surgery was postponed until next week, I have loved being awoken by my internal clock to get up, have coffee, don the under freezing garb and go attend to my "farm". The kids are getting the idea slowly, and maybe God gave them an extra week to really understand all that I will not be able to do over the next few weeks.

It seems our farm is full of life. Our little wired haired Jack Russell dog, who was dumped over our fence, given to a couple who wanted her, then given back because the couple broke up, is deaf, albino, and amazingly sweet, is due to give birth to what we are calling "Jack Daniells" puppies, in two weeks. Our old vet told me she was spade, but alas was wrong. When Rog and I walked in from our little retreat to Australia, Jack Daniell babies were being made. We have two English Cocker Spaniels, one a show spaniel and one a field spaniel. We bought "Beau" to be a mate for our English Show Spaniel Bella, but alas Bella felt she was his mother so no pedigree babies for them. But, Beau trained our little Georgy Girl, (wired haired Jack Russell) and between him, Bella, and Georgy just ran together every opportunity they had. Every time Beau went out, well so did Georgy and the result, a house trained dog.

Just after Georgy is due to give birth, so are a couple of our goats. I have such amazing daughters and daughters-in-law, because by both these events, I will have my arm in a sling, a fact I don't really like, but to be back to 100% I have to have the operation. I can put it off, but then worry about arthritis setting in, and that is not an option. I have one of my nannies who is so "full" I wonder if she is having four kids and not three. She had triplets on her first kidding.

The other is getting very "fat" as well. I am really hoping that they will not kid until I think is really their due date, but goats can and will fool you. But my amazing family is ready and willing to be there, even if it only for the fact that none of us have had "kids" before. On the other hand, I am responsible, and our large animal vet is on call, and really willing, along with her students from Kennesaw, to all be present to make sure we have a large happy family.

This is the first chapter of my new book, The Alphabet Syndrome (including Attachment Disorder)

I was the middle child of a family of three girls. When I read all the criteria of what a middle child can be, I guess I see similarities. I grew up "different" from my family, leading sometimes in my preteen years to wondering if I really belonged to these "other normal" people, or perhaps I was secretly adopted. Of course none of those ideas were true. It transpired that I truly descended from both sides getting I guess the healthy deposit of entrepreneurial genes from both sides as well as the "finding every lame duck there was" genes as well. My mother once commented that if I found a stray horse, I would bring it home. I did bring kittens, dogs, and underprivileged children home. I remember wanting a birthday party, oh around eight or so, and my mother saying it wasn't possible that year, and then inviting my whole class for "afternoon tea" (an Australian saying for snack in the afternoon).

I also remember that my two best friends in primary school, were both just a little different like me. One of my friends was Elaine, who like me, was just a little out there, different, enthusiastic, going to become "something", although we didn't know exactly what. I recall her playing guitar, something I really envied, and us singing "The Little Blue Man" of which the only part I was allowed to sing was exactly that, "The Little Blue Man". "I wov you I wov you" that was it!! My other friend, was Carol, who came from a large less affluent family from mine and whom I felt I had to protect from what I still don't know. There was another "friend" and I say that like that because I along with Elaine was elected to tutor her in English in seventh and eighth grade. She never spoke. Me, I became very frustrated wondering why someone would not speak, not look at you, not answer, not respond, but Elaine, she had a lot more patience or whatever with Eddie. I know now, she probably was on the PDD scale, either Autism or Aspergers. It makes me cry now to know I didn't or to be realistic could not help her. She was lost inside herself, and there was no understanding at that time of what I call the Alphabet Syndrome.

Of course, both Elaine, Carol and I were products of the Alphabet Syndrome, but so little was known about ADHD, OCD, ADD, Autism, Tourettes, Bi-Polar, Learning disabilities, like Expressive Receptive Language Disorder, Dyslexia and all it's muted forms, CP, PDD, Mood Disorders, and many other issues I have dealt with in my journey into fostering and adopting children. Little did I know that even in my youth, the Good Lord was teaching me for what I would do many years down the road. Myself, I know, am at the very least ADHD, a "little???" OCD and can become frustrated and fleetingly depressed when challenged by situations I do not understand. I want the world to move as fast as I do, and on another planet understand not many people do. Hence, I am ultra organized and sometimes do not understand why other people aren't. Of course that only relates to my house not others. I really don't care about how other people keep house, I care about their friendship, but something deep inside of me needs MY house to be tidy and organized. Alphabet syndrome? Oh yes and I do know that, and daily have to seek guidance how to overcome, tolerate, and live life to fullest. We maybe born with inherrant traits, but, through Christ, we can change and learn how to manage our nature and what it leads us to do, whether that is with medicine, prayer or a combination of both.

I have always had my "foot" in my mouth. I remember, vividly, being about oh, four or five, on the back steps of my parents home, and the baker delivering the bread. "Our Daily Bread". Funny isn't it, because home delivery is such a thing of the past. But there he was with our daily loaf, and my mother and the baker were exchanging pleasantries when I suddenly looked down, and blurted out in a very loud voice, "Mum your legs need shaving!". My mother was mortified and I really didn't know where that thought came from other than I was bored and it just popped right in my head and at the same time was coming very loudly out of my mouth. I recall many incidences like that and to me they were normal, but to the rest of my family, it was a little strange. I got used to it. I always sang, in fact when I was four, I informed all around me that they would "pay to hear me sing". It was a joke until I was just seventeen and was cast in my first professional role in the theatre as "Ado Annie" in Oklahoma. Some things, although not understood, are there, born within, and just need the right person to understand, relate and bring them to life. Everyone has talents and abilities, some are obvious, some are hidden. All of the obvious ones are not necessarily the ones that God honors, sometimes it is the hidden deeds, the sacrifices made when no one is looking that is most precious to Him. On earth, we think in earthly terms, needing earthly praise, needing to rise to the heights of what we think the earth desires, or expects of our abilities, or our aspirations. When we “fail” we are seen as being unsuccessful and yet, perhaps that failure was tied to being famous, which is entirely not related to being successful. So many times, like myself, someone has an ability which is obvious, like singing, or acting, or public speaking, or even rising to the heights of the business world, and yet becoming famous for those gifts and abilities is not necessarily relating to success. Success is not always about being famous. It is succeeding in the task or goal that you have personally set and achieving such. Just because you are not famous, does not mean you have not succeeded in the task you set out to do.

I look back at my friend Elaine, who had rocky teenage years, and was not understood by many, and yet she had the intuition, the compassion inside her to comfort our friend Eddie who lived in a silent world. Yet, most of people I know, felt “Elaine” had made mistakes, to the point of perhaps disgracing her family in those 1960’s, but she had a depth of grace for Eddie that I did not. I didn’t envy Elaine in her patient understanding of what was entirely frustrating for me. I was gregarious, my mouth spilling over, as was Elaine’s, but she had a depth of understanding and ease with Eddie, that I simply did not. It has come back to me in these later years when I am having to deal with Aspergers syndrome in one of my own children and still having to overcome the same feelings of frustration and anquish that I did way back then.

Now Carol, my less fortunate friend, was not Elaines cup tea at all. She just did not relate to someone who did not wear clothes as nice as she did, who did not seem to have any apparent talents such as backing her up in the “Little Blue Man”, and although shy, was not silent or unable to communicate like Eddie. And she didn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t adore Elaine for her guitar, and singing as well as her HORSE!! Elaine owned this magnificant if not somewhat wild, stallion, a pinto, that she and I rode almost every afternoon after school. Elaine, truly was my hero in those days. She seemed invincible, and able to do all the things I longed to do. Sing and play guitar (I did achieve that a few years ago), ride wild horses, and have wild dreams. Her parents seemed to understand her, even indulge her, and I envied that so much in those young naieve years.

Yet my parents, in their infitine wisdome on which I draw from today, knew to keep a “rein” on my wild side. While I plodded along, got good grades, attended singing lessons, and most of the time felt I was being held back from some amazing dream that was waiting for me, Elaine ran off to the islands to experience all that was exciting and came home just after she was seventeen with a baby, and no daddy who cared to look after them both. Carol, because of her large, less fortunate family, did the same thing. Got married way too young and had children before she could ever find out who or what she was to become. I did find Elaine again when I was older, I have yet to find Carol and I often wonder about how things turned out for her. Did she ever find herself or did she get buried in the day to day of life and children and lesser opportunities. Eddie? She is the one I wonder about the most. What ever did become of her? Oh, if only I could go back to my youth and have the knowledge that I have now of the unfortunate circumstances of birth or the misfortune of neurological disorders that even today are still not understood, maybe, just maybe, I could have done better.

New Day; New Ways

Well today we took Isaiah back to public school. A long hard decision not made without much prayer and asking what was the right thing to do. Alas, I have had to arrive at at the gut feel I always had, that he really has what I call "Survivor Disorder" and what the world calls "Attachment Disorder". Now, I am not a newbie to this problem. After fostering some sixty odd children, we have had our share of what is known as "RAD" (Reactive Attachment Disorder) and Attachment Disordered kids. Reactive just means they are violent, destructive to themselves, little ones and animals, light fires, refuse to eat, pick apart or destroy their toys or anything else in their way, and really, really, hate their mothers.

The reason for this is simply they feel "right or wrong" that they were abandoned by their mothers (it could have been fathers too) and they had to survive by themselves. We have seen this in children as young as 22 months. Depending on the abuse, or circumstances in this instance, is the extent of the "Survival or Attachment" issue. On top of this, Isaiah has had to deal with a disrupted adoption which led to him being left on the streets of Monrovia, Liberia, without any identification (I will clarify: passport, green card, social security) and only the money he had earned himself in the USA. His beloved camera, which he paid for himself, was also taken from him on the premise that it would be stolen in Liberia. This camera cost him many hours of hard labor and many dollars. I believe a couple of hundred. For a thirteen year old that is a lot.

Just how does this child ever trust again? On top of that, after eighteen months in a house where all the children have been nurtured, tutored for their learning disabilities, honest to a fault, how can he hide, deceive, lie and keep his distance without being noticed by an entire family. Lucky for him, they have been taught not to judge, but to just tell the truth. This has been a very hard experience for Isaiah. After all the lies, every day countless numbers of times, the fights(physical) he has tried on to become the "Alpha Dog", I applaud and am proud of my kids for not judging, but not accepting his behavior. On top of that, this poor kid has never been educated. Well, you say, as I did, this can be fixed. Intensive but we can fix this thing.

What I have come to believe, maybe cause this little light goes on in my head that I know is the Lord, is that he has no "work ethic". Now you may disagree and I am OK with that, we all don't have the same opinion, but I believe I know know that "work ethic" starts with that first drawing, or project, or task that a child is asked to hand in completed either in pre-school, kindergarten or maybe for some first grade. But when your "parents" both in Africa where this is nearly impossible, or your adoptive family does not educate you, you don't simply have a work ethic. The inbuilt intuition that you must finish this task to please somebody or even yourself is not there. He has been denied that, both in Africa and unfortunately by his previous adoptive family who foolishly do not believe that as Christians we are not of the world, but we sure do live in it. And, we are expected to abide by the rules set down by the leaders of our countries which clearly stipulate in ours, that no child should be left behind in education.

For Isaiah, this has been more than a double whammy. His father took him from his sisters for a couple of years in Africa before he then dumped in in the orphanage where his older sister had to come to know him and stand up for him. He is then adopted into an American family only to find that they have another agenda as well and at the first sign of trouble, abandon him again back on the streets of Liberia, scared, alone and without anything. He then gets rescued by a "rich" in his words, family and is out for what he can get. Who can blame him? And then, after all his defensive protests, finds he is uneducated and what a huge struggle that is for him to overcome.

And then our mistake, that he would feel comfortable in a small, private, christian school, which is more like a community, believing or fearing that he would fall into bad company in a secular school. He was like a fish out of water and in every social event, both at school and in our home, it was obvious that he was uncomfortable and did not know or did not understand the ease at which these kids had with each other. Sad but true.

Then the light shines. All is very clear in light of the Lord. Over Christmas, tired of all the deceit, lies and half truths, we just put it on the table. Tired of the physical and mental fight for control, we put it out there. Are you attached to anyone? The answer. Not really, no. What, not even your sisters? No, not really. No surprise, he does not contact or even speak about his sisters. It becomes clear. If you do not want to please someone, and do not want to give any control over to someone, then asking that person to be grateful or to have compassion or to respond to any emotion is a recipe for disaster. Take the emotional expectation out of that equation, and you have peace on both sides and level playing field where all parties feel OK. The tension is relieved, and perhaps, progress can be made.

Kidding around with my rotator cuff!

Well Christmas was amazing and wonderful but not without it's hic-ups. Other than the goats which I am learning about day to day, there were other issues which always have to be dealt with. One of them, unfortunately, is that I have to have surgery on my shoulder, rotator cuff to be exact as well as a bicep tear (maybe). The original tear came from another rescue from a busted Liberian adoption where the young lady could not integrate into the family. Because of the the circumstances at the time, I was thrown from the back of our "Airport Shuttle", which is our primary transport, to the front. I hurt many things, but mainly my right shoulder. I did rehabilitate with exercise and felt really good until Rog and I went to England and Scotland in the summer. As I was getting off the train from Heathrow my roll on port(that's case for Australian)

(stacked with clothes I admit right now) was kicked and threw my right shoulder over and out for a knockout (for those who know cricket).

Because of my really busy schedule for the end of the year I endured, worked out, got cortizone shots, but to no avail. It is surgery. Well that means a heck of a lot for this crowd in my house. Unfortunately they are spoiled. They enjoy wonderful meals, their laundry done every day, mum at their beck and call, and I mean counsellor, adviser, homework co-ordinator, cook, chief bottle washer, tidy upper, laundry person, organizer, lunch maker person, picker upper person, teacher soother person, interferer in sibling arguments, driver to music, dance, social engagements, whatever they fancy. Alas, this is coming to an end for at least four to six weeks. They are in the first stages of grief right now which is denial. They have oh, a whole week to get through the four stages to functioning as a mighty powerful sibling group, so their father can and will get his daily work done.

The Good Lord Prevails! Sometimes when old softie Mum gives in, gives up, endures, prays, and believes that they will all turn out, the Good Lord takes His stand. There is no hope for them in the next four to six weeks that they will listen constantly to their whatever is attached to their hip or pocket, disappear to someone's important place, have to look something up urgently on their computer other than homework, return this oh so important sms or email or phone call, it will be kitchen, laundry or bathroom duty for all. Oh and did I mention the 7 goats, 10 chickens and 7 dogs. We have at this moment, 5 does who are expecting kids, and 1 dog expecting puppies. I guess this is a lesson for all.

But the blessing? I know I have exceptional children who will and I repeat WILL not let this family down let alone their Mum. Sometimes we have to have a challenge to step up to what God expects of us. When we don't, perhaps we will not meet either His or our expectations.

After Christmas

What a great Christmas! We had snow, the first accumulation in 100 years. It was wonderful! The only not so good thing was everyone left much earlier than usual because as the sun went down the roads froze. But, other than Ben and his family are currently celebrating and visiting family in Australia, it was the usual amazing eventful Thompson family gathering.

On top of that, I was uncertain whether we were going to get Christmas "kids" and I mean Nigerian goat kids. I have not delivered goats before. I have delivered, been present whatever for many dog births, but not goats. I was, and am still a little unsure of just what I was supposed to be looking for. I think I am going to write my own account for newbies, about what is the exact line of events that you look for. I think I have seen every goat birth and description on UTube, but every sight just goes from somewhere very near the end and does not explain the confusion of things that happen before that. And, your vet really doesn't want to answer your very stupid and naive questions on the answering machine on Christmas Eve.

So, in the midst of cooking for 25??? or so I had a baby monitor on the vacant horse stall and area at the back of our barn, which Rog and I prepared on Christmas Eve with lots of bedding, food and water and even an air conditioner for the arrival of suspect "kids". We planted the monitor in our room on Christmas Eve and I ran and checked ( between cooking) every hour or so on our nanny to make sure she was not about to give birth.

I must say here that I had thought she was due either in early February or March but because she was and is really big, I thought, OK, I could have been fooled. She had triplets earlier last year, and because of her size was capable of fooling a newbie. I won't go into all the gory details, but I now know that she is probably due in early February and is maybe going to kid four. All the symptoms which made me think she was about to birth, I have now found are what to expect in the month or so before that. But it really made for an exciting Christmas amongst the snow and has given the family a great expectation for our new "kids" who will begin to arrive over the next few months. We actually have five nannies that are freshened and who will kid between February and April. And, the kidding pen is ready!!