Looking forward.....

Some weeks go down in the history of your life, and I think this has, or is still being, one of them.  It started out with rumblings from Isaiah's older sister, who I think is on a "mission from God", that is not quite working for her, followed by another grand mal epileptic seizure from our amazing, but scary 12 year old, on top of that my mother, 85, in hospital in Australia having had another mini stroke on top of hip replacement surgery, with three shows and multiple dress and final rehearsals going down every day.  Two of these I am directing, but one of them, I not only direct, but do sets, costumes, lights, sound, props, anything that is needed I'm it.  So, you can see, that interruptions of any sort were really not needed, or welcome this week.

Thank goodness we had a Neurologist appointment on Tuesday morning for Jada, and after being diagnosed as epileptic, we went away with a prescription that should stop the seizures, and allow her to go on and dance her heart away in the Polar Express.  The other couple of hic cups are not quite so easy.  My mother is two days journey in the air from me (you skip a day on the way there), and with what is going on at home, I just can't leave for minor reasons right now.  Not only the time away when my child needs me, but, the weighing in on which is more important, and if I am letting my Mum down.  I heard today that she is going to rehab and I have to trust explicitly in my sisters who still live there, and abide by their decisions as to whether I should abandon what I am needed here for, to jump on a plane, and do what?  These sort of decisions are so hard in life.  I want my Mum to know that I love her, that I am supporting her, but I don't know that realistically there is a lot I can do other than cheer from the sidelines while she is in rehab.  A guilty place to be for sure.

And then there is Isaiah's older sister, who is married and has made many decisions that I do not agree with, but as I pointed out to her recently, she had the freedom to make those and she needs to let Isaiah have the same freedom to make his.  Unfortunately, her mind cannot accept that maybe all of her ideas are not acceptable to him, and although he wants to see her, and communicate, he will not be influenced to follow the path she is currently on.  For better or for worse, she has "made friends" with the very "parents" who tipped her out, would not speak to her for several years, banned her from speaking with Isaiah and her sister while both of them were living there, and has banned her from speaking to her younger sister for at least four years.  I do not agree with separating siblings especially those who have come from the circumstances these sibs do.

I do admit I did lose my "calm" when after several rather angry postings on a social media page became known (by older kids allowed on such) to my 12 year old, she became so stressed to hear what Isaiah's sister was venting to the world, she lay down, feeling dizzy, and had another seizure.  During all of this, some of my other older kids, unbeknown to me until later, as I was not party to the site, were defending their mother's honor.  I applaud them for that, and recognize they live daily with the truth and see both sides, but it all became mute after the real truth started to emerge and suddenly the postings were no more.

I have immense empathy for these children who have been misguided, hurt, abused, and are trying everything in their power to somehow resurrect their little family that has been torn apart by broken, abusive adoption, but I cannot let that ruin Isaiah's life or affect the other children in my care.  I know his sister wants to "suddenly" see him for Christmas, and I don't have a problem with that, but, she comes to my house, and sees him under my roof, and I hear what she has to say to a minor that has been through too much to be swayed yet once again for someone else's purposes or plans.  Somehow I don't think that fits with her plan, but she is welcome.

I guess we see if free accommodation, free access without ears to say or influence someone into your direction, and free family support, friendly smiles, and gifts are not available, will she still want to do what it takes to see her brother?  It is somewhat telling that until recently, the sudden reconnection with the former family, that she has barely made contact with Isaiah at all.  She has not been a part or even available to offer advice over the last three hard years as to how to reach him, and even posted that publicly, has visited with him twice in three and a half years, and yet someone, has made her think she has influence over him.  Mmmmm......maybe that is a romantic notion.