Broken

Though the years we have had some "broken" kids, for a day or two, a year or two, or for as long as it takes.  Broken kids don't do well in families, because they are "broken" and do not understand relationships, in any way shape or form.  Most of these kids have had parents that deserted them, let them down, died, or disappeared from their lives to make them into very young persons who had to take control of their life, otherwise, in their minds, it may fail, end up in a way that left them vulnerable to very life itself.

I came to understand this through a child who I could not understand, comprehend, or figure out how I could parent such child.  I am thankful, that this particular, beautiful young lady, who was my first experiment in such behaviors, has turned out to be remarkable, but this is so often not the case.  It DID take a village to raise her, and I am so proud of what she has become, but, there are others that have crossed the threshold of our house that have not ended up so well, because quite often "brokenness" becomes a disorder, commonly known as "attachment disorder", or "reactive attachment disorder".  These kids just cannot let go of control of their lives to anyone, because, their parents by innocent means, or negligence, have betrayed them as parents.

In the last few years we have been exposed to children from "broken" adoptions, where parenting in the first place was broken beyond repair, to such an extent that they ended up in an orphanage explicitly designed to place children in American homes.  These children are survivors.  Survivors of war, abuse, lack of education, loss of immediate siblings and family, and lack of hope as they sit in an orphanage that could not feed them all, due to lack of funds, nor educate them, only push them onto some unsuspecting, uneducated persons who thought that love and prayer was the answer to all their problems.

I cannot tell you how wrong that perception is, much as I wish it was true.  I cannot tell you of the unplanned abuse that happened to many of these children, mainly due to ignorance of what is involved in either adopting or fostering a child you have never seen before, nor had a present relationship with, to where you visited, had week-ends with, got to know over a period of time.  Just as we would not meet a person for the first time and get married, neither should you do this when you adopt children.  The feelings of want, love, yearning are all on the parents side.  The children are just desperate to get out of where they are, and will, and do, say anything to get to the "promise" they have been led to believe.  Might I say here, that in these cases that I have been exposed to, in my home as well as by hearsay, the parents involved have had no training in what to expect.

I have been educated in the process and needs of children who come into foster-adoptive care, and was literally forced into rescuing a couple of children adopted into the above circumstances.  I am thrilled to say one is working out, mainly because he has been, and accepted being "parented"  over the last three years. The other, a sibling, unfortunately, was too old to be parented, or to accept parental advice, therefore leaving her subject to her original abusers, and vulnerable to accepting any words that would condone her actions.  It is sad for me to say some of these kids accept advice, some don't.  Some learn, some don't.  Some return to their abusers for approval, some don't.  None of this is predictable.  All I can do is pray for those that have been sent to me, but not condone continued abuse or ignorance.