When Good Things Happen To Those Who Wait

I have found that you can live in the past, live in the future, or, live for today.  So many times in my life I have lived for the future.  I don't often look back, what's the point?  Some one close to me today reminded me that regret for things that didn't happen doesn't change it, or decisions we made that were poor ones, are the best ones we could make at the time.  I realized a long time ago that living in the future invalidated the life I was living.  I needed to enjoy the journey I was on, and if my circumstances meant I couldn't pursue my goal today, then get the most out what was being handed to me now.

When I was led upon the path of adoption, it was not my first choice, if my choice at all.  I am not some saint, or "good" person, frankly my dreams had come crashing down at a time in my life when I was feeling like I was "too old" for my profession and had blown my only chance at it in this country.  I was seeing others achieve what I wanted so desperately for myself, but was being denied, or at least that is what I felt.  That was about the last time I looked backwards, because God gave me so much to do that was worthwhile, exhausting, and took up all my days and most nights as well, that I didn't have time to dwell upon little 'ol me.  Despite myself, I was defending and caring for what I call "The Lost Children" who came through my door at alarming rates.

I look around me today, at my nearly eighteen year old twin boys who came some sixteen years ago next month, and don't, and wouldn't regret one moment that I gave, instead of following my "passion" selfishly.  Every moment has been a treasure with all nine children who I have been blessed to call mine.  But, as I said, I am not some "saint".  I have always hoped and believed in the promise that was given to me nearly thirty years ago that a time would come.  Unfortunately, it did mention something about me being like "Sarah" and I did not want to hear that, and as the years as unfolded, became a "Sarah" and didn't believe it anymore, rather thinking that somehow I had disappointed, or missed it, or maybe, it was all in my head.

And, maybe I have.  But tonight I step out in faith because God has opened an opportunity that I believe comes from Him, and wait, yes, "wait upon the Lord" and see if this is the time after all these wonderful, memory packed years full of children's laughter, achievements, monumental moments when a child threw away a brace she had to walk, another child's heart was healed from a three prong defect right in front of me where the Doctor could not explain it, where speech happened after three years when none was ever supposed to, where cerebral palsy disappeared, the facial, emotional and neurological effects of alcohol and drugs were no more, and learning disabilities, dyslexia, bi-polar, ADHD, OCD, and Tourette's syndrome became just letters of the alphabet and names of disorders.

Whether or not I waited in vain is irrelevant, if I hadn't I would have missed so much more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INJS0YDnXZg