Well today brought many things to deal with, both easy, fun and the tough ones as well. Our beautiful 18 year old had her first sort of "date" today. Her "friend" drove all the way from North Carolina with his friend to see her. They knew each other back in Liberia in the orphanage days and both were lucky enough to find their way out of that mess and into families here to make new lives. It was wonderful to see her smile and be a normal teenager enjoying the company of friends the same age.

We cooked a big BBQ dinner as well as African food to go along with the usual fare. I am still somewhat amused that my little ones will eat this "hot! Hot! HOT!" African food and say yum yum! We had some of our older kids and grandkids join us along with their extended families to just share good times and make memories. I am always tired at the end of these sort of days, but am never sorry that we had them. In the midst of this, our newest addition Isaiah is having the end of the very short, brief honeymoon period that all new kids to the family have.

Unfortunately, along with no schooling, the family he came from believed in beating their children. In fact, there is no other form of discipline other than the children are put outside the house (whether it is winter or summer) to fend for themselves. They sleep in the car when this happens and I am surprised that no-one has frozen to death or died from the heat that builds up in the car during summer. So having that sort of environment for the last few years, topped off with Africa, where people are hungry and homeless and will do anything for food or clothing, he is having a struggle with how life works in our family.

Obviously, in his young mind, he has to fight to be the top dog otherwise he dies or has no food or no privileges. Well we have "labradors" for our older twins who just want to please, wag their tails and obey. They have never been anything else. But, they do understand respect, which he does not, and they are quite fierce in demanding it from him. As my Rog says, who is a second dan black belt, it's like a naturally stronger lower belt challenging a higher rank. It's not about strength, or experiences of life, but about the pecking order. You respect your elders, have manners, and obey the rules of the house or else you lose your rank and privileges.

He lost them today. We have never had a physical fight in the family between any of the 60 odd children who have passed through it or in the children who have become ours. Today, he had the second of his "challenges" to try to upset the order and found himself not being beaten, which is a quick sting that has no lasting effect other than to teach a child to beat someone else, but deprived of every privilege he was granted, along with our trust, when he came to live with us. He lost TV, computer (other than school work) and his beloved camera which he "convinced" one of the twins to give over just shortly after he arrived. He has little reading skills, so guess what, he now reads instead of all these fun things. As well, I explained to him, that if you want to give "sh*t" to everyone, then we have two horses that you can pick up after on a regular basis until you want to change your mind. By the way, he is not the first to get this punishment. I believe, very strongly, that children need to respect each other as well as their parents. The family is sacred, and too many people treat their friends better than their family. What's wrong with that?

Last time I looked, when you get into real trouble, if you have a faithful committed family, they are ones who pick up after you and stand by you, no matter what. So what is it these days, that it seems that it is accepted to treat your own family badly, let out all your abuse and anger and whatever, and treat your friends like they were royalty. It's the wrong way round. And I don't know and can't imagine or judge what has happened before in Isaiah's life, but he needs to know that this family does not attack itself, but is a strong unit that trusts and respects each other.

I also have many questions as to why this family that he has come from do not have to answer to anyone for lack of education and the obvious abuse to children. He is burdened with "secrets and lies" which is obviously eating him up and stopping him from moving on. How can people get away with this? I can only hope that he can sometime soon be able to rid himself of all the "weight" he is carrying around for the sake of these parents who are hiding from the current century and living in a "fairy tale" existence, that they regularly preach in seminars, to unsuspecting people who are looking for a better way to live. They didn't give it to him, or five other African teenagers who left or who were deemed by Social Services not to return, so how come they are experts who receive "donations" for giving information they don't follow themselves.

Isn't it common knowledge in our country that there is "no child left behind". Maybe we need to increase the pay for social workers so they can do their job and get to all of the children who are not only being left behind, but are being abused in the process.

Tonight, I have a son who is confused and sad, but knows that I love him, expecting that he does not have to love me. But, expecting that he respect the family and lose the attitude.