Ok, these last few months have been something out of a movie for me. My two kids who were the least resistant got caught up in finding out where they came from. That can be good, which I have experienced, or that can be not so good. It seemed like I was on a roller coaster, which I hate by the way, and I could not get off. I was facing push back behavior I was unprepared for, not expecting to the point if affected my health.
But there I was, in the midst of stuff, stuff I didn't ask for or expect. It all came out of kindness. Kindness to the birth family, and compassion. Well I have learned that some of us know kindness and compassion and others don't. Some have never experienced these emotions, and are caught up in the thought that, one, they deserve that, and two, they are not even going to think about giving that. Nothing can resolve these two stand offs. I resolved that I could not change my kids thoughts, or the situation they were in, but I could still have kindness and compassion, with boundaries.
It lead me to a place where I wanted to know more, to be able to understand my thoughts, why I wanted to reach out to others, and why even when I was betrayed, abused and not understood, I still wanted to find the answer how to reach people who could not understand.
I have understood for a really long time that I have given my life for others, twelve children, four out of my womb, and eight out of my heart, nine grandchildren and countless foster children, but one special one, Isaiah, who we rescued from Liberia. Thank God for that! I didn't even know that this horrible disease would affect that country but God did, and He called my name, put the desire in my heart, and we rescued him. It was a long, seemingly fruitless journey, but he is alive, has a life, and a freedom to be who he wants to be.
So, I will continue this blog about all of my children and their adventures, but I would like you to know I will be starting a new blog. One about my journey as a life coach, specializing in women who think they are too old to begin something new, or just to BE who they are. That does not mean I will not be available to people who do not know how to cope with that new foster child, an autisic child, a lost child, or a family who cannot get it together.
I am so excited about my new journey, and my new website, not available yet, but I will tell you when it is. If any of this applies to you, please let me know. I am looking to coach right now for free.
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Thursday, August 21, 2014
A Wake Up Call
This week, I had a colleague say something to me that jolted me back to a time in my life where, one, I was very successful, but, two, I had a lot of important people around me telling me I couldn't and shouldn't do what I was setting out to accomplish. This, fortunately or not, has happened to me on more than one occasion when I found I had a passion light up to embark on something not everyone would, or could do.
In my youth, in fact at 15, I auditioned for the State Professional Light Opera Company against sneers and words spoken to me that echoed "You can't do that". Well I did. I became the youngest member of the Queensland Light Opera Company ever and went on to lead roles, a stack of press, being a celebrity on TV shows and mostly never doubting for a minute that I would do it AND be successful. Those people in that company became family to me, and surrounded me with protection and love. Until I could drive, they picked me up and took me home, many times in a week from rehearsals and performances. I still try to go to reunions with life long friends. That happened because I was so young, and full of enthusiasm that I never even thought of doubting my ability, until much later.
But, life comes along, and the school of hard knocks, and the doubters words start to get to you. I fought a lot of opposition when my husband and I began the path of fostering and adoption. I was shocked how often I would be out with my then fragile babies in quad strollers, and people, total strangers, would point and stare and quite often criticize openly, even though they would never take a child themselves. That journey has brought me many friends, and many laughs. I remember a dear friend of mine, when we first met, came to my house and was shocked. It showed on her face and I asked what was wrong? She said, "the house is so tidy, I didn't expect that". We laughed and over time as our friendship grew, she began to see that I was a person who accepted challenge, liked to succeed, and organized my life very well. I was always an organized and busy person, but the children taught me to do little things often, and not let it roll into a big overwhelming task.
Some years before we left Australia, we had a business, our first, and were given terrible advice, but being novices, did not know any better, and cutting a long story short, ended up holding the bag, a bag full of debt. At the time, my youngest kids were two and three, and I was a stay at home mum. Had to be for my husband to work the long hours he had to. I racked my brain as to what I could do to help the household finances, and to pay the debt. I can remember everyone literally rolling on the floor laughing when I said I was going to be an Avon representative. Those days you went door to door selling Avon. I could do this with the kids and it was a start. Well no-one was laughing when I became the top seller in my state three months later, a stand-in-manger (with a wage and car) six months later and a Manager with benefits, a car and an expense account within a year. We paid our debt from those small beginnings. I learned a lot from that adventure. If you set your mind you can do anything through Christ who strengthens us. I was also the lead singer out front of a band while I did that job, and ended up being the first Avon employee to be chosen to sing an original song, record it and perform at National conference, along with another friend, whose name is Trish.
All this to say, I have come out of a fog, a place where I have not been honest with myself or a lot of people I know and have hidden under a fog, or a bushel if you like. To the extent, because I have always been conscious of "bragging", that on my 60th birthday my children were shocked to find all my press from my youth, and pictures in magazines, reporter critiques, and a whole lot of performance photos. I never shared, for fear of what? Instead of being what I thought was humble, I didn't trust my kids to be able to be proud and not intimidated, and I haven't trusted a lot of good friends to enjoy my successes with me, or to share with them how to do many things well, if you want to.
Why has society become the "put down" age? Why do we feel like people won't like us if we are successful, and why don't we trust our friends to enjoy every journey that we embark on. I am officially encouraging all of my friends to come out of the fog. Get up and achieve the things you want to even if it looks impossible. You only live once, make it a journey full of everything you want to do, do not listen to the whispers, or loud exclamations of doubt, go for it. It is better to have tried and failed, than to have never tried at all.
In my youth, in fact at 15, I auditioned for the State Professional Light Opera Company against sneers and words spoken to me that echoed "You can't do that". Well I did. I became the youngest member of the Queensland Light Opera Company ever and went on to lead roles, a stack of press, being a celebrity on TV shows and mostly never doubting for a minute that I would do it AND be successful. Those people in that company became family to me, and surrounded me with protection and love. Until I could drive, they picked me up and took me home, many times in a week from rehearsals and performances. I still try to go to reunions with life long friends. That happened because I was so young, and full of enthusiasm that I never even thought of doubting my ability, until much later.
But, life comes along, and the school of hard knocks, and the doubters words start to get to you. I fought a lot of opposition when my husband and I began the path of fostering and adoption. I was shocked how often I would be out with my then fragile babies in quad strollers, and people, total strangers, would point and stare and quite often criticize openly, even though they would never take a child themselves. That journey has brought me many friends, and many laughs. I remember a dear friend of mine, when we first met, came to my house and was shocked. It showed on her face and I asked what was wrong? She said, "the house is so tidy, I didn't expect that". We laughed and over time as our friendship grew, she began to see that I was a person who accepted challenge, liked to succeed, and organized my life very well. I was always an organized and busy person, but the children taught me to do little things often, and not let it roll into a big overwhelming task.
Some years before we left Australia, we had a business, our first, and were given terrible advice, but being novices, did not know any better, and cutting a long story short, ended up holding the bag, a bag full of debt. At the time, my youngest kids were two and three, and I was a stay at home mum. Had to be for my husband to work the long hours he had to. I racked my brain as to what I could do to help the household finances, and to pay the debt. I can remember everyone literally rolling on the floor laughing when I said I was going to be an Avon representative. Those days you went door to door selling Avon. I could do this with the kids and it was a start. Well no-one was laughing when I became the top seller in my state three months later, a stand-in-manger (with a wage and car) six months later and a Manager with benefits, a car and an expense account within a year. We paid our debt from those small beginnings. I learned a lot from that adventure. If you set your mind you can do anything through Christ who strengthens us. I was also the lead singer out front of a band while I did that job, and ended up being the first Avon employee to be chosen to sing an original song, record it and perform at National conference, along with another friend, whose name is Trish.
All this to say, I have come out of a fog, a place where I have not been honest with myself or a lot of people I know and have hidden under a fog, or a bushel if you like. To the extent, because I have always been conscious of "bragging", that on my 60th birthday my children were shocked to find all my press from my youth, and pictures in magazines, reporter critiques, and a whole lot of performance photos. I never shared, for fear of what? Instead of being what I thought was humble, I didn't trust my kids to be able to be proud and not intimidated, and I haven't trusted a lot of good friends to enjoy my successes with me, or to share with them how to do many things well, if you want to.
Why has society become the "put down" age? Why do we feel like people won't like us if we are successful, and why don't we trust our friends to enjoy every journey that we embark on. I am officially encouraging all of my friends to come out of the fog. Get up and achieve the things you want to even if it looks impossible. You only live once, make it a journey full of everything you want to do, do not listen to the whispers, or loud exclamations of doubt, go for it. It is better to have tried and failed, than to have never tried at all.
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Life with 14 kids: Challenges
Life with 14 kids: Challenges: So, life is a roller coaster right now, but at least one rider is home. In questioning all of this, I still come up with several options. ...
Challenges
So, life is a roller coaster right now, but at least one rider is home. In questioning all of this, I still come up with several options. While being truly shocked when identical twins who are non aggressive, compliant, obedient, and respectful go out there, after the shock is over, it is time to discern exactly what went wrong. Of course in our current world full texts, instagrams and whatever, there is a feeling that you are parenting with an internet provider. I personally, am not in favor at all of all the cyber stuff, but being an older parent, I try to weigh the balance.
That of course is weighed with our children's disabilities and diagnosis' which leave us solely in the hand of the Lord. Quite frankly the last couple of months have been almost more than I could bear, other than the quiet voice of God. I have gone through the stages of grief, and yet, I still grieve because one is still in danger. He would not say that, but this is a child that I love beyond measure, but needs help beyond measure. So, I have to reflect on how my Lord and Savior has got me through this.
Well the day after it all happened I was committed to a writing course with my mentor, who I will not name at this moment, but am sorely tempted, because she was a messenger sent to get me through this terrible time. So, blood pressure on the roof, I went through surgery one day after because I could not cancel, and started a mentor, one on one, writing, ah songwriting, course the same day. I was also filming a TV pilot which was very important.
I am a person who needs to be busy, feel needed, and give to others. I was stripped of all of this when my precious boys, old enough to make choices, left. I was in a place of rejection, fear, failure as a mother, and desperation. I, alone, was unable to rescue my boys. I, alone, could not change their circumstances. I, alone, could not control my fear, anxiety, and blood pressure. Oh, on the blood pressure thing? I am a 108 over 64. When I went for surgery I was 170 over something. Terrifying.
I am still being sensible about the blood pressure, but my medical advisors feel this is due to anxiety. I am overcoming that every day with prayer, and believe that God IS in control no matter what I think or feel. I have one twin home, he is back in the swing of being a computer programmer like his dad, not birth, but real dad. You know the one that tucked him in, read stories, played with him, went to the ER, and loved him EVERY day of his life. I do not know if God means the other twin to come home, I am not fretting over that any more, but WE ALL HAVE a choice. So does he.
We are parents who love him. I am grateful that one prodigal is home, I don't know if the other wants or needs us, but we will love him always and pray constantly. He has issues which he is not in a place to address, nor with people who want him to address those issues. Even if you don't believe in my God, or my Jesus, maybe you believe in someone that you pray to about your issues. I just ask you pray. All prayers are relevant and will be heard if sincere.
I am so grateful for a Savior who hears me, who leads me, and is constant. No matter what the outcome here, I believe God has His hand upon this situation and I trust in the Lord with all of my heart, and lean not on my own understanding.
That of course is weighed with our children's disabilities and diagnosis' which leave us solely in the hand of the Lord. Quite frankly the last couple of months have been almost more than I could bear, other than the quiet voice of God. I have gone through the stages of grief, and yet, I still grieve because one is still in danger. He would not say that, but this is a child that I love beyond measure, but needs help beyond measure. So, I have to reflect on how my Lord and Savior has got me through this.
Well the day after it all happened I was committed to a writing course with my mentor, who I will not name at this moment, but am sorely tempted, because she was a messenger sent to get me through this terrible time. So, blood pressure on the roof, I went through surgery one day after because I could not cancel, and started a mentor, one on one, writing, ah songwriting, course the same day. I was also filming a TV pilot which was very important.
I am a person who needs to be busy, feel needed, and give to others. I was stripped of all of this when my precious boys, old enough to make choices, left. I was in a place of rejection, fear, failure as a mother, and desperation. I, alone, was unable to rescue my boys. I, alone, could not change their circumstances. I, alone, could not control my fear, anxiety, and blood pressure. Oh, on the blood pressure thing? I am a 108 over 64. When I went for surgery I was 170 over something. Terrifying.
I am still being sensible about the blood pressure, but my medical advisors feel this is due to anxiety. I am overcoming that every day with prayer, and believe that God IS in control no matter what I think or feel. I have one twin home, he is back in the swing of being a computer programmer like his dad, not birth, but real dad. You know the one that tucked him in, read stories, played with him, went to the ER, and loved him EVERY day of his life. I do not know if God means the other twin to come home, I am not fretting over that any more, but WE ALL HAVE a choice. So does he.
We are parents who love him. I am grateful that one prodigal is home, I don't know if the other wants or needs us, but we will love him always and pray constantly. He has issues which he is not in a place to address, nor with people who want him to address those issues. Even if you don't believe in my God, or my Jesus, maybe you believe in someone that you pray to about your issues. I just ask you pray. All prayers are relevant and will be heard if sincere.
I am so grateful for a Savior who hears me, who leads me, and is constant. No matter what the outcome here, I believe God has His hand upon this situation and I trust in the Lord with all of my heart, and lean not on my own understanding.
Friday, June 6, 2014
Trials
The last few months have been sort of out of a movie. So, here I am to catch everyone and I guess myself, up to date. Lets start at the beginning (a very good place to start....sorry). January, Isaiah calls to come home for a visit as he went to his sisters place for Christmas, because he had turned 18 and, I really needed the break. Now he needs to come home, so I am trying to put aside any plans to accommodate because I do understand he is still, after four years, in a precarious position.
I arrive, after two and a half hours driving in the snow, to pick him up. I am in a hurry, it is winter, the roads are icy, I am in the mountains, just want to pick him up and get him back for the weekend. Long story cut short? He has been grounded for something we had continually told him about. Not only grounded, but about to be expelled, not go to the next level of training because he knew better. I did not know what emotions I was supposed to have. He was exuding charm (that is what he does when he is in trouble) but it was not going to cut it this time. He was out. Two weeks is what he had left to find a job, finish his GED and get his drivers license. After that, I drove back on the icy roads alone, wondering if I could have done anything more to make this kid understand. I reached the conclusion that our family had done all we could, time to move on, let him work it out. Tough love, tough decisions, but after all that had gone down in the last few years, it was time to look out for others in the family.
His sister had been very vocal about having Isaiah, so realizing that he was not going to follow house rules, I decided that was best for him. Surprise!! He was sent to a job organized by his former adoptive, abusive father, in about two days. After getting over the guilt etc, I realized that maybe we have to fall to rise. He called me Mother's day. He is on the rise.
I don't speak much on this blog about the others, all eight at home, but, we are in teenager years, and just recently seven out of our eight met their biological families. Four (two sets of twins) did great. I am so blessed that they have found Nana, Paw Paw, aunts, cousins and brothers and sisters. We have become an extended family united with Christ. Then there is another three, twin brothers and a sister by another father. Cut it short, disaster. The last two months have been like I lost, like in died, two kids. It has been a journey of prayer, believing that He will prevail, and standing on the rock.
But God does prevail, in good times and in bad. I ended up coming to the place to stop being angry and confused (nothing in that is God) and realizing that I had to forgive, understand, and pray, not only for my twins, but for the very people who manipulated them out of our house. Well, no surprises here what the result is. One is home, the other will be in time. I have learned faith, patience, and above all Jesus rules. It is not finished yet, but by prayer it will be and I know I have the faith to believe in that.
I arrive, after two and a half hours driving in the snow, to pick him up. I am in a hurry, it is winter, the roads are icy, I am in the mountains, just want to pick him up and get him back for the weekend. Long story cut short? He has been grounded for something we had continually told him about. Not only grounded, but about to be expelled, not go to the next level of training because he knew better. I did not know what emotions I was supposed to have. He was exuding charm (that is what he does when he is in trouble) but it was not going to cut it this time. He was out. Two weeks is what he had left to find a job, finish his GED and get his drivers license. After that, I drove back on the icy roads alone, wondering if I could have done anything more to make this kid understand. I reached the conclusion that our family had done all we could, time to move on, let him work it out. Tough love, tough decisions, but after all that had gone down in the last few years, it was time to look out for others in the family.
His sister had been very vocal about having Isaiah, so realizing that he was not going to follow house rules, I decided that was best for him. Surprise!! He was sent to a job organized by his former adoptive, abusive father, in about two days. After getting over the guilt etc, I realized that maybe we have to fall to rise. He called me Mother's day. He is on the rise.
I don't speak much on this blog about the others, all eight at home, but, we are in teenager years, and just recently seven out of our eight met their biological families. Four (two sets of twins) did great. I am so blessed that they have found Nana, Paw Paw, aunts, cousins and brothers and sisters. We have become an extended family united with Christ. Then there is another three, twin brothers and a sister by another father. Cut it short, disaster. The last two months have been like I lost, like in died, two kids. It has been a journey of prayer, believing that He will prevail, and standing on the rock.
But God does prevail, in good times and in bad. I ended up coming to the place to stop being angry and confused (nothing in that is God) and realizing that I had to forgive, understand, and pray, not only for my twins, but for the very people who manipulated them out of our house. Well, no surprises here what the result is. One is home, the other will be in time. I have learned faith, patience, and above all Jesus rules. It is not finished yet, but by prayer it will be and I know I have the faith to believe in that.
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