Dealing with Autism and Bi-polar combined (plus a few others)

Well most of you know about our adventures with a broken adoption, including PTSD, and re-active attachment disorder, but, there are a few other issues that complicate our household and family.  Bi-polar and mood disorder are a few, meaning four, and we have two who are epileptic.  Fun, no, lots of worry and attention every day.

At the moment, we are dealing with a complicated kid.  Seventeen and thinking she's in control.  But that thinking is distorted due to autism, bi-polar, ADHD, OCD, and Tourettes.  Hard to take that in?  Yes it is.  So complicated that she is currently an outpatient in a program following a stint at being an inpatient.  My heart breaks, and my mother instinct  so wants it all to go away on one hand, yet knows if we do not address this now, she is lost, maybe like her biological family.

I think here as a mother and go, well how would you like to "tick", i.e. jerk your head, make guttural sounds, eye blink, and then get so "stuck" in your thought pattern because if you take OCD medicine you go into hyper manic bi-polar.  That looks like you tear the whole house apart, laughing and thinking this is a great game, maybe for three weeks vs three pills you took. Then your autism kicks in and you are not understanding rules, because you think in your "own" black and white, and that does not match normal criteria.  And, on top of that, you are a fast metabolizer and your bi-polar meds just go through so fast they cannot keep up with your mood.  Ok, there is one medicine that might, but, a BIG BUT, you are so sensory impaired you do not like mint, or cherry and it only comes in those flavors.  No non flavor.  And, the only other one, makes you gain ten pounds in a month.

You are seventeen.  You want friends.  They don't understand your impulsive behavior, or your attempt at making a joke which in the end offends.  This is my child, making terrible mistakes because she really doesn't have much decision making in her brain, but being judged because others do not have compassion, or unconditional love, and do not know how to even think about that, let alone do it.  This is my child, that I have to be above feelings to save her from her own inability to reason, work it out, and understand that everyone is not going to "like" her.

Yet, she is musical, has perfect pitch, but no ego to give her the confidence to take the world with her talents.  She sees the world as judgmental, because she is that upon herself.  She thinks all of her peers are looking at her imperfections, not her amazing talents.  She has long fingers, is a natural guitarist, and could be another ingenue in the musical world. But, as much as we try to tell her she is amazing, her own disorders tell her something different.

WHY DOES THE WORLD NOT UNDERSTAND!!!

BECAUSE WE ARE SO WRAPPED UP IN OUR OWN WORLDS, WE CHOOSE TO NOT SEE HERS.

Am I saying this is easy?  No.  I write this after a particularly difficult night where her rage could not be contained.  Where as a mother I was not wanted, needed and cast aside.  Well I could wallow in that, but I know that is the disorder speaking, not my sweet, frightened, vulnerable, persecuted child.  Every time she threatens to cut, I worry.  I stand in her door, all 5'1 and 3/4" against her 5'6" frame.  I am not afraid for me, I am afraid for her.  I know she will not do real harm, or I hope not, but I stand. I stand in the name of my savior, JESUS, and know He sent her to me not to be lost, but to be found.  I know how many of her biological family have been lost, I am not going there.  I trust in the word that was given, and proved that He gave her to US.  

I know some of you reading this are thrown for a loop, this is not what I have blogged about in the past.  And, I will shock you even again in the future.  I have adopted, rescued kids that need the compassion of the body, the body of Christ.  I believe that is possible, but do not feel that compassion often, and neither does she.  She feels condemnation and rejection.  With the disorders she suffers from, she tries.  She goes to church, but feels rejected.  Safe is better I guess.  But, I know Jesus did not think safe was better.  So where does that leave the church?

I leave that with you to think about.  You may have never had a look into the life of someone who looks like one of those biblical characters that only Jesus understood..  I would say......look......do not judge what you do not know.  I am blessed He trusted me with this child.

Life with 14 kids: Updates, and insights

Life with 14 kids: Updates, and insights: Well I haven't been blogging here for a while, but so many things have happened in our life with all these kids, who are growing up.  Ou...

Updates, and insights

Well I haven't been blogging here for a while, but so many things have happened in our life with all these kids, who are growing up.  Our eldest set of twins are amazing.  Learned lessons they didn't need to, but then again, that's my opinion.  It is hard to say they did need to learn them.  They were truly the prodigal sons.  They are doing great.  But, it didn't come easy or without hard decisions and rules.

They thought they could make their own life, and oh, I know this is a shock, but they couldn't.  No one at eighteen is mature enough to know what they are doing for the rest of their life.  Well, maybe not no one, but certainly not many.  Isaiah thought the same thing.  Well more about that later.

We are sent through trials and test in our lives, and Rog and I certainly know that now.  Sometimes in the midst of it, there is wonder, and doubt, but God is always in control.  Oh, that is funny!  During this time of testing and trial, I wrote a song, "God Is In Control".  It won a major competition and I will let you know when the group who are recording it, release it.

Coming home was one thing, finding their feet and their education was another.  They tried at public school.  Might I add they had only a short stint at public school, disaster, and it only went down hill from there.  After being in a household filled with an affirmation of drugs, smoking, anything else that went down, coming back, even though they wanted to, was hard.  Harder, was backing off, letting them make their own decisions, and understanding who was their real family.  They knew, but had guilt feelings about their other "birth" family.  Tough for them and us.  But, we were their "God" chosen family.  We knew them, loved them, and did not expect anything other than love in return.

It has been a ride, a roller coaster, but they came through it, and rocked it in safely to home, even it it was a the slowing down pace that the ride does, literally.  My boys are home, great, safe, working for their dad, got their driving licenses, in fact one bought his first car today.  Excited, proud, and thankful for God's guidance, love, encouragement, and most of all the ability to trust in Him.

Isaiah, well he had to go on his own ride.  His focus was always California.  Well, no surprise, that is an expensive place, and if you don't have money?  Well honey, you live in your car.  It became a place he could not do anymore on his own.  Lucky for him, he has a lot of people always there for him.  He contacted, he was supported.  Where he goes now, and how he does is in the hands of God.  But, those hands hold tight, never give up, and hang on even thought the toughest roller coaster rides.

I am trusting.  But his story, is amazing, even as it goes on (which might be the second book) and you need to read it, understand what it does in a child's mind, and support and pray for him.

And now, another journey, another trial is on the horizon, but God is Good, all of the time.